I wanna write

i wanna write but i keep worrying too much on what to write and what to say. i spend too much time that even 'too much' does not hold the weight and severeness of the period. i want to write so much so why don't i just write right? i named this blog site 'rambles' for a reason, for the sole reason for me to ramble about anything and everything right? what is stopping me?? see i may be writing right now, but i will never know when i will come back here. its been five month since my last post

It's hard when skz's song 극과 극 (N/S) is your actual life theme song. It is either I go all the way out, or I don't do at all. Half way or pausing isn't for me. It's restarts and endings and then it repeats and basically in simpler terms; it is horrible. For real. So when i get into something, if i stop midway, there is no certainty that i will resume soon. I give up halfway and then when that thing has passed and been forgotten; i will remember it again one day and try to start over again, instead of picking up where i left? Something like that if it makes sense.

I have a tone of prompts of the AU's that i want to write, but up until today, up until this second; they are all literally prompts and ideas. The longest I developed is to one page and a half i think. And i still remember i felt that that was such an accomplishment. But then here i am again; abandoning it.

So once again i am here, but i shall not say the word; cause i don't want to jinx myself. Maybe i shall make an actual schedule for me cuz like at this point I need to force myself, if not i will just keep swimming in my tears wishing i was someone else.

Since i mentioned skz N/S, i shall include the link in this post. Till next time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CQypyGazkw